I’m So Crafty – Parody of Iggy Azalea’s “Fancy” with a wedding DIY twist

Iggy Azalea’s hit song “Fancy” is super catchy…and super fun to parody. My hero Weird Al’s parody of this song (“Handy”), is about that guy who claims he can fix pretty much anything. But what is the stereotypical female equivalent of that? The Martha Stewart! She can craft pretty much anything and make it look super simple, making you feel like a total tool for not being able to make your cute little burlap-wrapped mason jar look like hers.

F**k the $1000+ florist  bill. Just take a mason jar, slap on that burlap, and stuff baby's breath in it!

F**k the $1000+ florist bill. Just take a mason jar, slap on that burlap, and stuff baby’s breath in it!

Pinterest – the collective Martha Stewart of the Interwebz…thinks you should do the same. In fact, weddings are all about doing it all yourself and saving money in the process (FYI, this is not always true). You’ll get more shame throwing tens of thousands of dollars at your wedding these days, and people who manage to go plan and decorate their entire wedding without the help of professionals are frikkin badasses. I don’t blame them…weddings are expensive..no matter how you look at it. Just depends on whether you pay in cash or in time.  I should probably buy stock in Hearthmark LLC (the makers of the  Ball® Mason jars)…

Therefore, Gone is the “Fancy” and in with the “Crafty.”

As is tradition, here is a link to a video of the original song, “Fancy” by Iggy Izalea featuing Charli XCX.

Verse 1

First thing’s first, I’m on a budget (budget)

I’m a superstar, let the whole world begrudge it (begrudge it)

Won’t give a dime to the weddin’ bizness

I can throw it down, like I’m Martha effin Stewart, sista

You should want a hipster wedding like this (huh?)

Collect old bottles, dress ‘em up like this (yeah?)

Chalkboard signs, mason jars, and some lace

Burlap, something I can wrap up on this vase (on this vase)

Buyin’ up the craft store, got a coupon (discount!)

Online and I’m searching for a Groupon (what?)

Where the hooks at, hang my tissue poms

Signature cocktail, get yo drink on

 

Refrain / Chorus

 

I’m so crafty

I must confess

Arranged my flowers

Custom-made my wedding dress

I’m so crafty

Why can’t you do this?

Because I nailed it

On Piiiiinterest

 

I said, “Yeah I can do this, of course I can do that.”

Can’t get no sleep gotta pin this and sew that

I feel so retarded, I thought I was smarter

Get me a coffee, gotta assemble this garter

Shoulda allowed some more time, social engagements declined

I swear I thought that this would take two hours, not nine

So can I finish on time? Baby, please pass the wine

I’m very worried ‘bout guest haters, I need my wedding to shine

Yeah I can glue that, glue that. Construe that, strew that

Hire a professional, well screw that, screw that

I rock the D-I-I-Y, put my name in chalk

Hours working, if you diss my wedding, then walk

 

REPEAT CHORUS

 

BRIDGE

 

Ditch the hotel

Let’s get married in a barn

Make some bunting

String it together with some yarn

Yeah, keep folding it up

Made my bouquet from book pages, what’s up

Frugal, forget deluxe

Rustic and country, cowboy hat with his tux

Ow!

 

Verse 3

 

Baby’s breath, how you love that?

Gonna start a blog showin’ how I does that

Hot glue, hands off, better watch that

Look at my centerpiece wishin’ you could top that

Do you think you got my skills, huh?

I’m so good, I’m avoiding lots of bills, huh?

Never pay premium

Laughin at chicks who don’t have my resources

 

REPEAT CHORUS

 

Glue that, glue that, D-I-I-Y

I do that, do that, D-I-I-Y

Pin that, pin that, D-I-I-Y

Naiiiled it

 

Now can you do that, do that, D-I-I-Y

No help I will do that, D-I-I-Y

Screw that, screw that, D-I-I-Y

Naiiiled it

 

PS….After the wedding, all you ladies can sing this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmIuBMA2I04

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Nerdy By Nature: Down With BBT

Wow, has it seriously been over THREE YEARS since my last update??! I’ve been a busy beaver (tee hee) but that does not mean that I have been lacking ideas for song parodies.

I got discouraged with some writers block on the below song, called “Down wit BBT”, to the tune of Naughty By Nature’s “OPP”. You may know what OPP is (though hopefully not via personal experience 😉 ), but what is BBT? The Big Bang Theory! That’s right, what’s more nerdcore than rapping about one of the geekiest and most awesome shows on TV. Season 8 will be starting up next month. So pumped!!!

Anyway, there were sooo many lyrics in “Down Wit OPP” that I was really sweating bullets and just could not finish the third verse. I know that some song parodies are often shorter than the originals, so for my sanity, I am omitting the third verse.

To follow along, here is the video from Naughty By Nature:

Down With BBT (Big Bang Theory) – Nerdy by Nature

(Parody of O.P.P by Naughty by Nature)

 

INTRO

Nerdy by Nature

Howard drop a line on her

 

VERSE 1

 

BBT, how can I explain it

Derive the equation

Sheldon, Howard, Leonard, Raj are geek and gamin’ it

B is for Big, B is for a blast of energy

The letter T…well that stands for Theory

Its sorta like a show about some really smart and really nerdy men

And the social skills that are lackin’ then

And when on occasion Sheldon tries to be sarcastic

He’s gotta catchphrase after which he bust out sayin’

Bazzinga!

One day they had a girl named Penny move across the hall

They get her name even though Raj couldn’t talk at all

They have her over and they find her quite intriguing

And Sheldon let her have his favorite spot on the couch

It isn’t true, it’s a B to the A double Z to the I to the N G A

Yo, Howie, Mom needs a foot rub (Boy, that’s what is scary)

It’s BBT, and everybody’s watchin’ it

No time for commercials ‘cos it’s only thirty minutes

How many peeps out there know just what I’m gettin’ at

Who find it funny splitting atoms in your habitat

Well if you do, that’s BBT, and you are down with that

But if you’re not, go watch Gossip Girl

 

REFRAIN

 

You down with BBT (Yeah you know me! ) x3

Who’s down with BBT (Every last homie! )

You down with BBT (Yeah you know me!  ) x3

Who’s down with BBT (Every last homie! )

 

VERSE 2

 

Yeah you know it, BBT is truly gifted

Three have PhDs but Howard only has a Masters

It doesn’t matter even if it came from MIT

It’s like a special relativity when it comes to their genius

I won’t get into that, I’ll leave that to Steven Hawking

Sheldon at your door…listen…three times a knocking

You gotta answer the call, turn on your TV, now tell me

Exactly

Do you ever feel you relate ‘cos BBT knows how to keep it real

And you just had to stop and watch ‘cos you know that’s the deal

Yo check it out, man science history, unraveling the mystery

Of how something like Raj dressed as Aquaman came to be

He said Aquaman sucks but Sheldon didn’t really care

‘Cos the roommate agreement explicitly states it there

The season’s over, ya’ll can’t wait until it starts again

And Sheldon Cooper’s playin’ Hawking in Words With Friends

Don’t pull the plug, and let Raj bodymove up on this bitch

It’s BBT (BTT) You’ll laugh and bust a stitch

If you ever need advice, just ask Amy Farrah Fowler

Got her outfits on discount

 

REFRAIN

 

You down with BBT (Yeah you know me! ) x3

Who’s down with BBT (Every last homie! )

You down with BBT (Yeah you know me!  ) x3

Who’s down with BBT (Every last homie! )

 

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Money from Daddy and Her Sex for Free

I have never really understood the whole fascination with all of these socialites getting all of this media attention in recent years. It all started with Paris Hilton, and then Lindsay Lohan and more recently the Kardashians.

Ever watched The Simple Life or the Kardashians?  Out of sheer morbid curiousity, I watched part of a particular vacuous episode. Let me say it was more painful than having a root canal. I am sure that I could receive more intellectual stimulation watching paint peel. I look at these socialites with all this money and influence, and they don’t do anything meaningful with it. I wonder sometimes why God has not wiped humanity’s existence from the planet after seeing just how vapid we are capable of being.

People like that deserve a good satire, and make the subject of another song parody. I was listening to some Dire Straits in the radio, and the concept just came to me. Of course, this song was previously parodied by my hero Weird Al regarding the Beverly Hillbillies.

But the concept of the original “Money for Nothing” song really plays out for a lot of celebrities today. At least in the 80’s someone could get rock star status because they had some semblance of talent for “banging on the bongos like a chimpanzee.” Now it is only about looks, money, and how much coke you snort. Now that all hit songs are basically autotuned…hell, who needs people who can actually sing!

After forwarning of a bit of colorful language in this piece, I give you…

Money From Daddy and Her Sex For Free
(A parody of Money For Nothing And Your Chicks For Free by Dire Straits)

Prelude

I wrecked my SUV….

Verse 1

Look at her sex tape
That’s the way she does it
Then she gets her own show on TV

Look at that bimbo
Walkin like she’s somethin’
Money from Daddy, and her sex for free.

Now she ain’t thinking
She’s always binge drinking
Lemme tell ya, that girl is wrong

Maybe get a pardon on your prison sentence
Maybe get a thousand dollar thong

REFRAIN

Her net worth could end world hunger
She won’t give to charity

She’s gotta buy more Prada and Gucci
Show her vagina for the world to see

Verse 2

That little hoochie cannot sing worth a God damn
But, totally, she got her own label!

That little hoochie got her own perfume line
Just because her dad’s a millionaire

REFRAIN

Verse 3

She really should learn to wear panties
She really should serve her time

Getting out of the car, and she’s just to
High to even walk a straight line,
And she’s been driving drunk

And look at that, what’s that—is that her you-know-what?
I can’t believe she’s showing that on live TV!

Oh that ain’t classy
But it gets publicity

Money from Daddy, and her sex for free

REFRAIN

That ain’t talent
But she’s got some money
I think I’ll go and make a sex tape now

That ain’t talent
But the press adores it
Money from Daddy and her sex for free

REPEAT

Money from Daddy and her sex for free (I wrecked my SUV)

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The Popcorn Smell

Inevitably, in some point in our career, we all come into contact with a mysterious individual. A person so mysterious, that you will never see them, but the pungent odor of burnt popcorn they leave behind is never, ever forgotten.

Ironically, the person who is often culpable for the popcorn fiasco is someone who you would think would have the basic intelligence to operate a microwave. Case in point, there was an lawyer who used to work at my current job who let the popcorn bake for 4 minutes! It literally stunk up the office for days.

That being said, the following song is dedicated to all the anonymous and guilt-laden popcorn burners, cringing behind your desks and praying that your horrible deeds are never exposed…

The Popcorn Smell Keeps on Burning
(to the tune of Wheel in the Sky by Journey)

 

Another Monday at work, Oh Lord!
Time moves slowly, and I’m really bored.
I think I’ll get myself some coffee.

Need some caffeine, for this long, dragging day
Go to the break room, but to my dismay
Ooh, it smells like I lit my hair on fire.

The popcorn smell keeps on burning
The stench will last until tomorrow
The popcorn smell keeps on burning

I’ve been trying to contain the stench
Got to Febreze it, before the disease spreads
Ooh, I can’t stand the smell very much longer

I’m determined to find the culprit
Don’t think that anyone will ever admit
The stink bomb permeates through
The entire office.

The popcorn smell keeps on burning
The stench will last until tomorrow
The popcorn smell keeps on burning
Wooa-oa-ooo-oa-ooo it reeks so bad
Till tomorrow.

<musical interlude>

The popcorn smell keeps on burning
The stench will last until tomorrow
The smell makes my stomach keep on churning
Ooh, it’s burning my eyeballs out, ohhohh

The popcorn smell keeps on burning
The stench will last until tomorrow
The stench makes my stomach keep on churning
Ooh, it’s burning my eyeball out, oohh

The popcorn smell keeps on burning
The stench will last until tomorrow.
The popcorn smell keeps on burning

The popcorn smell keeps on burning!

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I want those nug…nug nug nuggets!

A few months ago, on a Friday evening, I was on my way to get some Chick-fil-A when Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” came on the radio.  Like my hero Weird Al, I get a lot of my inspiration of song parodies from food. So, I started replacing the words to the song with words about Chick-fil-A. Hence, the below monster is born…

Chick-Fil-A
(A parody of “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga – original video is below)

(Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oooooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oaaahh
Gotta have my Chick-Fil-A
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oooooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oaaahh
Addicted to Chick-Fil-A)

INTRO
Chick-chick-chick-chick-chick
Chick-fa-la-la-la
Lay-ay-ay-ay-ay
I want some Chick-Fil-A

(repeat)

That chicken sandwich, those warm waffle fries
And I want Polynesian sauce on the side
I want those nug
Nug nug nuggets, want those nuggets

Get me some sweet tea, some fresh lemonade
A chicken biscuit when I’m up before eight
I want those nug
Nug nug nuggets, want those nuggets

BRIDGE 1
You know that I want it
Especially on Sunday
I want that Chick, that Chick-fil-A

You know that I could eat it every day, I gotta have some Chick-Fil-A
Don’t want the 12-count, want the whole party tray, hell yeah, I want some Chick-Fil-A
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oooooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oaaahh
Gotta have my Chick-Fil-A
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oooooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oaaahh
Addicted to Chick-Fil-A

REPEAT INTRO

I’ll eat a bucket of those chicken strips
Even though they’ll just go straight to my hips
I want those nug
Nug nug nuggets, want those nuggets

I’m going crazy, I’m listenin’ to cows
Got chicken grease stains smeared all over my house.
I want those nug
Nug nug nuggets, want those nuggets

REPEAT BRIDGE 1

MAIN 1
I’ve got a craving and it won’t go away, I’ve gotta have some Chick-Fil-A
I go to church on Sunday morning and pray, that they will open Chick-Fil-A
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oooooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oaaahh
Gotta have my Chick-Fil-A
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oooooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oaaahh
Addicted to Chick-Fil-A

REPEAT INTRO

(spoken)
Love, Love chicken baby
Gotta eat more chicken baby
Love, Love chicken baby
Gotta eat more chicken baby

(repeat)

It’s Sunday night, and I’m totally hosed
There is no hope, all the restaurants are closed
Yo tengo hambre, solamente quiero (I am hungry, I only want)
El mejor pollo, damelo ahora (The best chicken, give it to me now)

I don’t want KFC
I don’t want KFC
I don’t want KFC
I want Chick-fil-a!
I want some Chick-fil-a!

REPEAT MAIN 1

REPEAT INTRO

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My first (non-original) song parody: My Corolla

So apparently, many of my song parody ideas are turning out to be NOT all that original (though I pride myself in my most wacky ones). Before attempting to post a really good one, I always check to see if someone else has already done it. For example, I got this awesome idea to do a parody of Lady Gaga’s “Papparazzi” called “Grammar Nazi.” Then…just to check… I go on You Tube and see that there are not one but TWO videos!

I figured that it would only be appropriate, in homage to the great parody legend Weird Al Yankovic, to debut my first idea – a parody of The Knack’s one-hit-wonder “My Sharona” and call it “My Corolla”. For those readers who don’t know, Weird Al made his radio debut playing a parody of “My Sharona” called “My Balogna.”

My 2007 Corolla

While others have had the same parody idea, the content is not necessarily similar, and as driver of a Corolla myself, I decided to write my own parody, though I post this acknowledging that other very similar parodies (like this and this) are out there around the Web.  Without further ado, I bring you…

MY COROLLA
(a parody of “My Sharona” by the Knacks)

Ooh my fuel efficient one, my compact one
I get good MPGs in MY Corolla
Turn the key and hear the motor run, the motor run
That V4 saves gas in MY Corolla

Never pay too much, at the pump
But I always get a laugh
When I see others spend too much
To fill up
But I roll cheap in my my my my y y WOO!

Ma-ma-ma- -MY Corolla!

I’m ridin’ down the highway now, the windows down
There ain’t no stopping me in MY Corolla!
But I see a truck ahead of me, and cautiously
I slowly tap the brakes on MY Corolla
But the accelerator’s stuck, I’m speeding up
And if I don’t slow down, I’ll crash into that truck
And blow up
And that’s the end of my my my my y y WOO!

Ma-ma-ma- -MY Corolla!

(bridge)

Ooh I need a recall now, a recall now
Can I get my money back on MY Corolla?
Ooh my car is totaled now, in the impound
So much for a good trade-in on MY Corolla
Now I’m headed to Japan, so I can
Sue Toyota for one-hundred-fifty-grand
To make a stand
For the replacement of my my my my y y WOO!

Ma-ma-ma- -MY Corolla!

Oooooooh My Corolla (Repeat x4)

My next project…a song about Chik-Fil-A (yum…)

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Post some frikkin songs already!

I have tons of awesome ideas circulating around in my head for some song parodies. However, I am in the middle of my studies and getting ready to graduate, but fear not! Songs are coming soon!

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